4 Rookie Mistakes “Chumps” Cheated on Make... by Vickie AdamsLast week, I flew to Washington DC for the weekend in order to attend a book launch and after-party for author Tracy Schorn at the National Press Club. Not only does Tracy write the daily blog chumplady.com, with over 10 million views, but her new book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a #1 new best seller. Tracy has helped thousands of blog readers understand the actions and language behind serial infidelity and the mental shift needed to extricate themselves.

Everyone celebrated in “Chump Lady style.” Many who were infidelity victims—empowered by the wisdom in the book—smashed a unicorn pinata. She uses the unicorn to symbolize the reconciliation of a fantasy of life “happily ever after” with a serial cheater.

Tracy’s book talks about the “rookie mistakes” that victims of serial infidelity make:

  1. Wanting to fix their marriage rather than trying to shore up their financial holdings. People who haven’t been in control of the money in their marriage have no idea what their financial situation is. While they’re busy focusing on saving the marriage during months of marriage counseling, the spouse is moving money out; leading a double life can be expensive.
  2. Being too nice to negotiate in their own best interest. People who have endured long-term infidelity are more likely to have boundary issues.
  3. Assuming the cheater is still your friend. Rookies often agree to accept, or are talked into accepting, less than they are worth. People who lie in the marriage are going to lie in the divorce. They are not your friend.
  4. Cheaters often prefer mediation to litigation since no discovery is legally required. See above.

If you have a complex financial situation, or you’re financially dependent on your cheater, consider the services of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA™) to follow the money trail. Take control of your financial situation on your way out the door; one of my favorite posts from Tracy’s blog shows you how. And above all, don’t agree to a kitchen-table-drafted, Do-It-Yourself divorce.

I can help organize documents, explain assets, construct a paper trail, and provide a lifestyle analysis to figure out the money. I also provide written support scenarios and division of assets. Most importantly, I help victims of serial infidelity protect themselves financially. They need not be chumps. I can help them avoid those rookie mistakes.

Vickie Adams Divorce Financial PlannerVickie Adams, CFP®, CDFA